My Ghost
Depression, I believe, is quite possibly the worst ailment a person can suffer from, for you cannot escape it. Inside of you is your own personal demon, haunting your very soul. You cannot evade it, except for sparse, fleeting moments of temporary happiness--no lasting cure. The ghost haunting you cannot be shaken, for it is apart of you. Living life entails dealing with your own personal hell, which originates from your own mind and soul. No escape. Alone, you are left to suffer, for no one can save you from yourself. You are your own worst enemy.
Hesse proposed that death is a return to the universal river, it's not an escape from this reality; it's embracing a larger reality that swallows this reality when seen from a different perspective. So it makes no difference either way. Some people see no point in continuing a game that will end anyway. If life is joyless then something must be done. Nothing changes if nothing changes...and even if something changes then still nothing really changes.
ReplyDeleteLife, to me, is intriguing enough to continue living. However, through living, I only continually see the depravity surrounding me. I yearn for something more. Something better. But death seems too daunting of an oblique to pass into quite yet. I have more of life to live.
ReplyDeletePerhaps, my own depression is a reflection of how I see the world, not how I actually feel. Despite what I can accomplish, or shall accomplish in my time, if anything at all, everything is meaningless, isn't it? If all action does not particularly have sustainable mass, then what is the purpose in life? To me, it is an endless monotony. Though I try to change my outlook on life and try to find new adventures, I slip back into the droning world in which I reside. Maybe the cure to my own pathetic apathy towards life is simply thinking less. And a glass of wine.
There are few answers to these questions that won't sound trite. However, I can fake it pretty good...so...my theory is that the human brain has not and shall not evolve to comprehend global trends. It can exploit global trends and even purposefully influence global trends but the comprehension is limited to immediate effects. You only need to see the 10% of the iceberg that is floating to know to avoid it...but the seeker wonders what the other 90% entails. Practical people (AKA assholes) don't ask these questions because it's impractical. They can extrapolate decisions based on the imaginary 90%. If their decisions affect the 90% they are still going to move forward with the plan A. But the attempt to comprehend the 90% is undervalued. This is a Renaissance ideal in a Dark age so it's basically bad timing.
DeleteCNN is a good example of a person (Ted Turner) exploiting a demand for global news that may or may not be true. And it makes no difference if it's true because it's global and affects only a tiny fraction of people. And because there is a kernel of hope that we can comprehend global news then it's addictive...but it leads to the limitations of our brains. We can't comprehend 4.8 billion years of earth's existence but we also can't comprehend 7+ billion people's separate experiences. There is no way to incorporate the knowledge of global hunger or tornadoes or terrorism or sex harassment in the air force or botulism or plague...Some professors study the surface symptoms but the philosopher is not content with the surface...and society isn't interested in the philosopher's conclusions. So it's a total mismatch of ideals clashing within the limitations of our capabilities.
Here's a trite quote by Rainer Marie Rilke that my mother sends to me every once in a while as a reminder that I'm not settled in her heart and am adrift and flailing uselessly in the tides of humanity:
“Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books written in a foreign language. Do not now look for the answers. They cannot now be given to you because you could not live them. It is a question of experiencing everything. At present you need to live the question. Perhaps you will gradually, without even noticing it, find yourself experiencing the answer, some distant day.”
Doesn't it make you sick?
Here's another Rilke quote I just found that rewords your own quote:
“If your daily life seems poor, do not blame it; blame yourself, tell yourself that you are not poet enough to call forth its riches; for to the creator there is no poverty and no poor indifferent place.”
I believe only those who seek to change the world truly see what is wrong with it. The artists, philosophers, inventors, and creators all strive to see the world from a different viewpoint. They ponder life and seek it's meaning. Perhaps some even relentlessly strive to change life around them. However, not all think the same. Our ideas are rendered useless by those who are incapable of experiencing genius ideas. Life is a battle for the intuitive thinkers who seek change. Ideas of a better world are rendered useless by those who live life for the here and now. The assholes of the world prevent change from occurring because life is benefitting them. Because of their slim view of life, they are unable to ponder the grander scheme of the world.
ReplyDeleteIn the documentary It Might Get Loud, Jack White states,
"In the Bible, God cursed the ground so that man will always have to work hard. Whether you're a farmer or a carpenter or a guitar player or whatever it is, you have to fight these man made materials."
The basis of this statement is applicable to the life of the philosophers and artists of the world, for our life is a never ending struggle. We have to fight the assholes who actually have achieved power in this world, causing our efforts to be useless. Perhaps to live is to fight. After all, life is an eternal question not wanting to be answered or fully understood, for it cannot be. To the philosopher, this is a beautiful and depressing paradox. Infinite questions and ponderings. However, no true answer is ever produced. A beautiful tragedy and an tireless battle.