LXXXIV

Beyond Our Grasp 

"Ships at a distance have every man’s wish on board. For some they come in with the tide. For others they sail forever on the horizon, never out of sight, never landing until the Watcher turns his eyes away in resignation, his dreams mocked to death by Time."

- Their Eyes Were Watching God, Zora Neale Hurston

For some, dreams are just beyond our grasp, but does that necessarily mean we're settling for less? Some view dreams beyond their grasp, and still chase them. Other, simply change their focus. Which one is better, you might ask. To chase or to refocus? I, myself, am quite unsure. 

LXXXIII

Maybe She Was Right 

A young woman, full of anxiety, wrought with depression, gently sits down on a love seat in a small room. Glancing, in front of her, she sees her therapist, a middle-aged woman quite put together in proper Southern fashion. Together, they discuss her present ailments, the majority of which revolve around a guy. (I know that's not very feminist of me.) This guy, was introduced to her life story, through a message on a social media website. The main question lies, "Can he be trusted?" The man, slightly older than the woman, is plagued with crippling anxiety, which prevents him from talking on the phone or skyping, crippling this developing long-distant romance. The young woman is convinced, despite the distance and the anxiety, this man is what she wants. The therapist believes otherwise, for how can he continue to make her happy when he is hindered, left unable to communicate in the fashion she desire? He cannot fulfill the requirements placed upon him. Is that minor, something to be overlooked? Or is this a major predicament in the best interest of the young woman's safety because, after all, how is she comfortable meeting up with a man she has yet to meet? Consumed with fiery passion, the young woman is convinced the therapist must be mistaken. However, given some time, she is starting to realize, maybe, he isn't entirely who he claims to be.

And to think, before therapy today, I would have told you we belonged together, the man and I.

LXXXII

"The One"? 

But is there such a thing as "The One"? Or do circumstances just align so two people's choosing of each other can prosper? Did that one guy say the right thing at just the wrong time, so because of timing we aren't meant to be. Two specs of dust in a celestial infinity, but are these chance encounters with certain people actually purposeful? Is there a bigger plan at work here? 

In different infinities, do we end up together, even though the timing was wrong. Our orbits are pulling us in different directions. I do hope in another world, in a different infinity, we end up together. However, is wishing such a think devaluing or debunking my current relationship -- a person who just happened to say the right thing at the right time? 

Maybe I'd be just as happy with someone else, so why choose him. And yet, I can't seem to want to be without you.

LXXXI

A Decline 

My ponders never ceasing, constant thought raging beneath the layers of skull and skin. 

Hard pill. Cold water. I swallow.

No longer suicidal. No longer much of anything at all. 

Numbness surrounds me, like the dial of my feelings has been turned way down. 

What was I pondering? I no longer remember now. My depth has shallowed.