Better Yet, Fear of It.
Alone, I sit waiting on my, for lack of a better term, date. With him running a good half hour behind, I'm forced into a time of reflection. In general, what is my motivation for this period of my life? Loneliness or, better yet, fear of it. I remain terrified of another person leaving me. I recognize that change is necessary, but I still remain scared. My so-called "date" I hold no affections for, yet crave his company as that of a lover. I act out of fear; I am afraid of being alone.
The answer for such behavior lies in my fear of being left lonely, unloved, and abandoned. As a result, I turn to everything -- sex, drugs, alcohol, and even just casual company. Yet nothing satisfies. Living out of fear, I become a shell of a human, terrified to really live.
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